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Brand Name Hitler

Jawad Ali

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Hitler? is a registered trademark and valuable commercial property. It is owned by a small and predictably murky group of powerful individuals and institutions. There are strict rules about the right and wrong ways of using the Brand Name. It is immoral to use the Brand Name in ways that do not enrich its Guardians. I know, you are getting a little queasy already because ordinary people are not even supposed to talk about this stuff.

Apparently, the suffering of some people must not be compared to the sufferings of that group which owns the rights to the word 'holocaust'.

Apparently, the suffering of some people must not be compared to the sufferings of that group which owns the rights to the word ‘holocaust’.

Certain predictable things happen each time the Sacred Brand is correctly invoked. Cruise missiles and cluster bombs land on peasant villages and densely populated urban areas. Checkposts and settlements are set up. Land mines and depleted uranium cause slow motion holocausts. The Guardians of the Sacred Brand rake in billions.

The Hitler brand name can only be used to promote Hitler-like behavior. I know this comes as a shock. Such behavior includes war, pestilence, internment, surveillance, and theories about a master race of people. We call this Nasty Stuff. Invoking the Hitler brand name to combat Nasty Stuff is strictly prohibited.

Some amateur film makers recently made short videos about the state of the union in a way that illustrates such improper use. Two or three of them put Hitler? in their films and sent these shocking short films to the Bush in 30 Seconds contest at The other fifteen hundred or so entries made the wise decision to leave Hitler out and use children and puppy dogs instead.

The offending filmmakers were probably good American folks who were freaked out by the hysterical war mongering, the rape of the Bill of Rights, and the coronation of Michael Jackson as the latest media obsession. These preachy videos pointed out that some of the things this administration is doing are bad because they are similar to the stuff that Hitler did. They promptly lost the contest.

Conservatives rushed to personalize the issue, and made a big stink about the perceived Bush-Hitler analogy. A few Guardians of the Holocaust also joined in. Irresponsible use of the trademark only dilutes this valuable Hitler brand, they argued.

Nobody came out to defend Hitler. Such people are rightly banned from public debates, sober or not. A few pundits in the liberal press did come out to defend the Hitler analogy. They welcomed the Republican attention that had rescued these losing entries from complete oblivion. They tried to inject a little common sense into the debate by pointing out that it is indeed good and wholesome to call people out for Hitler-like behavior.
It?s okay to compare somebody to Hitler if they?re considered a threat to the Guardians of the Holocaust. Image taken from

The stink makers were not upset because it is impolite to compare someone with Hitler. No, it is perfectly polite to do so if the invocation promotes the market objectives of the Brand. Some clever pundit entered the word “Hitlery” into a search engine and proved this point beyond all doubt. Apparently many in the conservative circles were perfectly OK with drawing little moustaches on the former first lady. I had never heard of this sick fetish before. I have missed out on all the fun.

Conservative talk show blowhards have long been refering to advocates of women’s rights as “femi-Nazis.” Feminists the world over are mostly innocent of the truly Nasty Stuff, and this is precisely why we must grab the Hitler Brand and beat them senseless with it. Women can not be allowed to share in the loot of the Guardians, and that is why most women are Hitlers.

The Guardians of the Brand need to pay fewer taxes on all this loot that they have gathered. They will quietly rattle the Hitler brand if they sense any resistance to this plan. Hitler used to single out groups of people, they whined, as they methodically singled people out all across the globe. This happened in broad daylight during Amy Goodman?s interview with Republican power-broker Grover Norquist on Pacifica Radio (10/2/03).

Norman Finkelstein has made a career out of documenting the Holocaust Industry, a fully owned subsidiary of the giant Hitler brand empire. He seems to be motivated by his love for all but a handful of Jews who are innocent victims of this crime. He is loved and respected in the socially conscious circles of America, but non-Jewish people are still forbidden from discussing his troubling theories. It is batter to focus on Bush?s IQ. Everyone knows he is a moron.

Some Famous Hitlers of Our Time

Saddam has done many Hitler like things. May he rot in hell. But he did most of the gassings, murders, tortures and other Nasty things on our watch with our help and blessings. None of this ever made him Hitler. He became Hitler the day he invaded the Nasty monarchy of Kuwait with tacit approval of the Guardians.

After Saddam became Hitler, almost anyone who was against murdering innocent Iraqis was in danger of 'nazification'. (taken from

After Saddam became Hitler, almost anyone who was against murdering innocent Iraqis was in danger of ‘nazification’.
(taken from

The “naked aggression” (remember that one?) was not particularly naked or aggressive as far as his own track record is concerned. Saddam had threatened our favorite petro-monarchies, oil wells, colonial settlements and fast food joints. Those entities are protected by the Hitler brand. You are Hitler if you mess with them. Poor Chechnyans and Kashmiris, God bless their bombed out souls, have no such protection. But Salman Rushdie does. The rules are complex.

Manuel Noriega was probably Hitler for his fifteen minutes of fame. He too was immune from the Hitler tag during his most brutal years. Nobody remembers exactly where he went wrong, but suddenly he was Hitler one day. That was the end of him. The Hitler brand name is very sensitive to the needs of large corporations and right wing think tanks.

Osama made a career of terrorizing the commies. That did not make him Hitler. That made him more like an American founding father. But now he is definitely a full member of the Hitler brand club. Membership has its privileges. We already mentioned cruise missiles and depleted uranium as two of its gifts. Collateral damage, house demolitions, shock-and-awe and checkpoints are some of the other. Poor brown skinned people are usually billed for these adventures.

Please Somebody Nuke Afghanistan
'Freedom fighter', then Nazi prot?g?, Osama bin Laden was good news for the purveyors of hate crimes. (taken from
Tamim Ansari probably does not know these rules. He is the kind soul who wrote the heartfelt plea not to bomb his country any further, immediately after 9-11. Right away all the hippy girls, soccer moms and church ladies formed a grand coalition to forward the plea to everyone with an email address. People who had never used a computer, or talked politics in their lives, were bombarding me with copies of it.

Mr. Ansari made a very elegant point there is nothing left to bomb in Afghanistan. Then he got carried away. There is nothing to bomb in Afghanistan because the poor country had just suffered a Holocaust at the hands of the Taliban Hitlers, he informed us with teary prose. This usage was fully endorsed by the Guardians of the Brand name. Not a peep of protest was uttered. Large pipeline contracts were at stake.

With that analogy, poor Mr. Ansari might as well have put a new heading on his article. Please send bombs now, atomic ones if needed. No amount of destruction is too big once you have cried Hitler with the proper blessings. He assured the bombing of Afghanistan with that unfortunate analogy. He probably did not mean it.

There was a holocaust in Afghanistan to be sure, but it had already taken place before the wretched Taliban ever showed up. The entire civilian population of this poor country was decimated in a brutal cold war power play, as the Guardians and their enemies fought over the loot. This kind of detail only dilutes the Hitler brand name.

A slightly more appropriate analogy might have been to compare the Taliban with the Zionists, who came to power after the Holocaust with some cruel and bigoted plan to rescue the survivors. But homeland security and the Patriot Act can not be sold with such weak marketing collateral.

Published Friday, February 6th, 2004 - 08:40am GMT

Article courtesy of Muslim Wake-Up

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